Bonds That Make Us Free

In my gender class this semester, I was asked to read a book titled "Bonds that Make Us Free" by C. Terry Warner. This book has perhaps been one of the most influential and life changing books that I have ever read. Its pages are packed with ways that we can rid ourselves of the self-centered, pity-seeking habits that bind us. I read the epilogue, and I got shivers as I read the final words. Warner talks of faith - not faith in a God, or faith in a certain religion, but faith in "doing the right thing no matter what others may think." It takes faith to do what we inherently know is right, especially when those around us are shouting at us that what we are doing and the way that we are living our life is wrong. C. Terry Warner continues:

Some people misguidedly think that faith is for insecure people who cannot stand on their own, and who use it as a crutch. Those who think this way do not appreciate how dependent we are upon each other. Nor do they comprehend that theirs in the negative kind of dependency, a bondage maintained by comparisons, judgement, and generally unspoken mistrust.

When one lives a life full of comparing himself to others, judging those who do not accept the way that a life is lived or condemning those who "victimize" and "insult" a lifestyle, that person finds himself utterly in bondage in hatred and in self-victimization. He or she cannot be happy unless able to blame much of their heartaches and troubles on others that have occurred in their life. They let this hatred build the very foundations that they believe in. These beliefs are only built on hatred and condemnations of others. Warner states it so eloquently in the following few sentences:

Self-absorbed people never think as clearly or act as decisively as those whose conscience is clear. They see threats where none exist, often can't tell their enemies from their friends, and tend to surround themselves with allies who won't overshadow them. . . Moreover, they spur other people to resist them. They cling to others' failures in order to excuse failures of their own.

This book has focuses so much on putting the blame on yourself, asking yourself the question "could I be wrong," thinking of others before yourself, and having a "consistent readiness to yield to the truth in ALL circumstances, no matter what the apparent cost." When a person can live in such a manner, they find that they don't have to look at others failures and shortcomings in order to feel good about themselves. They don't have to dig around in the past and show how their circumstances created the horrible lives that they have lived or live. A person is simply able to accept what he or she knows to be true, and act on it.

I want to end with a fable and a fact stated by C. Terry Warner.

Fable:

The quality of life - the success we hope for - depends largely upon attaining what people have commonly called the good life. By this we mean competing for, obtaining, and securely holding on to certain externals - for example, pleasures, status, or possessions- which we regard as valuable, satisfying, and reflective of our worth.

Fact:

The quality of life depends upon the choices we make, moment by moment, to do exactly what we sense is right toward all living things, including God. To distinguish this from pursuing the good life, I would like to call it pursuing a life of goodness. This means a life of practical faith.

If you have a chunk of time to do nothing and want to be truly inspired, take a moment to read this book. It is not a religious book - in fact, the only time that it mentions God and Faith is in the epilogue. I promise you will get something out of reading it (Again, it is titled "Bonds that Make Us Free" by C. Terry Warner.) I loved what I have learned, and I love how much more loving and kind and free I feel after reading it.

Life is great people. :) I know I haven't written my sleep-walking blog - and honestly, I don't think I will ever get around to it. This blog has been neglected much this year, but everything is more than wonderful in my life.

Ya!

Well would you look at that?

SO much has happened since I have last written! I know on my last blog post I promised some awesome sleep walking stories... so I may get around to talking about them in this blog, or I may not. We shall see. :)

So on the 19th of September was my recording with Jenny Phillips! Thankfully I wasn't too nervous going into it because I was like, "why you getting nervous Kara?? you already won, home girl!" (That's right, my inner dialogue consists of a sassy black woman.) So I showed up, they hooked me up with my headphones and mic, and off I went! I have the recording on a website... but I don't know if I can post it here. AGH! Email me if you want the link, I would love for you guys to hear it!

Anyways, it turned out SO well, despite the near threat of me losing my voice. On Thursday morning I woke up with a tickle, on Friday morning I woke up with a swollen and bumpy throat. So what did I do all weekend? Well, hung out with my mom and sister for one... but I also sprayed the back of my throat with Listerine CONSTANTLY and drank probably 18 gallons of tea. Monday morning I woke up and my throat still hurt, but my voice wasn't affected. So that was awesome! Also, I totally forgot that I was even getting paid for it all. When she handed me my check at the end of the recording, I was like "... uh, are you sure I'm not supposed to be paying you?"

It was amazing. :)

Ok, so then September 20th was, well, my birthday. Turned 20 on the 20th!!! Let's see, what made this day so memorable??

• Woke up to my apartment decorated up the YIN-YANG (still don't understand that expression, but I use it quite frequently.) There were streamers/balloons/baby-birthday-wall paper. I ran around through the streamers 5 or 6 times in pure excitement.
• Lucas came over and wished me a happy birthday and gave me awesome presents (one of which is a falling whistle. Don't know what that is? Look it up. Seriously.)
• I curled my hair on a SCHOOL DAY. That never happens, people. So my hair was rocking all day long (my hair hits about the middle of my back, like...2 inches past my bra strap. The bra strap is always the point of reference for me when talking about length of hair.... I love long hair. :) )
• Classes weren't stressful, WORK wasn't stressful... in fact, during work I ordered some food and 6 of the employees brought me my food and sang me happy birthday. They even had a lighter for me to blow out.
• After work/school/daily life, I came home only to go out to dinner with my close friends. We went to California Pizza Kitchen where I gorged on all the pizza. ALL THE PIZZA!
• When we got home, there was a gathering of people there waiting for me. We did random things like play limbo with the steamers and rock out to some music. Kate made all the cupcakes in the WORLD for me (she makes the best cupcakes EVER). She made this home-made strawberry cream cheese frosting that is to DIE FOR.
• At the end of our party, Kate tells me she has one more present for me. She sits me down in front of the TV and proceeds to put in a DVD. The next 8 minutes consisted of almost all of my friends being shown on the TV wishing me a happy birthday, talking about our friendship, and one word that they would use to describe me. I was laughing and crying at the same time (a pretty sight to behold, I ensure you.) It was one of the most thoughtful gifts that I have ever had.

Dang, my birthday video won't load. Well, if you are reading this we are probs friends on facebook and it is posted there. You should totally watch it if you have 8 minutes to do nothing... or you have something really pressing you want to do but you want to procrastinate instead. :)

Let's see... the rest of the week resulted in hanging out with the people that I love, taking classes that are amazing but hard, enduring the first round of midterms, going to my boyfriends choir concert, working 25 hours a week, etc.

Life is so good, people. Not because of where I am or who I am associating with or anything like that. Life is good because it has a purpose. I know who I am and I know who I want to be...and to be on track to reaching my potential is amazing. I miss Idaho sometimes, mainly because a lot of people that I love are there (like my beautiful niece and nephews) but I am happy to be out making something of my life. Grad school is just around the corner, and I know that should be stressing me out, but really... I am just so high on life that most of the time I don't even notice.

ENJOY life, people.

p.s. Next blog will be about sleep walking, I swear. My fingers are just tired of typing... they are like "Peeeaassee, no more typing!"

Let's get this done, people!

I officially have to go to home in like... four minutes, so needless to say this blog is going to be short and snappy. SHNAPPY, I SAY!

First, school is starting to seem a teeny tiny bit more manageable. I can fit everything that I need to do in my 6am-7pm M-F schedule. Which is a ridiculously long day, granted, but at least I get that feel-good-in-my-stomach-accomplished feeling at the end of the day.

I just read a research article about the correlation between attachment with parents and the amount of religious activity a person has. It was really interesting! It says that parents (especially mothers) who were kind and nurturing as parents to their children increased their child's likelihood of being religious as they got older. So basically, there is a correlation between the way a mom treats a daughter/son and the likelihood that they will remain in a religion as an adult. Prettyyyy cool.

Also, I have learned SO much at BYU this year alone. Like, how to juggle a million different things but remember what is important in life. How to be truly happy with my life, and not just my actions. I have learned so much about religion... I won't go on a religion rampage, I swear. ;) I just love the church that I am in, that's all. I guess all the things that I have learned have been through the gospel, I guess... especially on how to be happy. A lot of people tell me that I am not living my life to the fullest because I am living with an eternal mindset... but tell me, if I am seeking for eternal happiness, how would that make me miserable in the process?

Anyways, my mom and sister are coming down this weekend for my birthday (turning 20 on the 20th... its my golden year. :) ) and for my recording session with Jenny next week. I am THUPER DUPER THTOKED! This week shall be amazing, I say yes.

Anyways, I think I know what my next blog is going to be about. And it's not religion, I promise... I will give you a hint... talking/walking in my sleep runs in the family.

It's getting hot in here!

AH! School... oh, school. I love learning... freshman year I would spend all of American Heritage class just checking my facebook and facebook chatting with high school friends, and now I am the annoying person who always makes one too many comments in class. I am really excited for my writing class, because we are assigned to create a writing schedule of just 1-2 hours a day, every day, until the end of the semester. We have to turn in 50 pages of "polished" writing by the end of the year, which is probably the equivalent of 150 pages of writing total. I am also conducting research experiments! Here is what they are probably going to be:

• The effect of religion on the sense of fulfillment in life.
• The correlation between grades and facebook (maybe)
• How well BYU students actually keep the honor code
  
• If a bit of narcissism is healthy for self-esteem.

My other classes are amazing, my new apartment complex is BOMB. I am going to a cabin in like... 3 minutes with about 30 people in my new complex.

Life is good! Enjoy your three day weekend, people!

Note To Self

Note to Self: Don't think that the transition between relaxing all summer long and then working your butt off will be easy.

Note to Self #2: Don't blog when you should be doing a million other things.

Note to Self #3: Don't give out your personal cell number to all of your new hires. It just results in them calling you after your leave, and then working on work instead of working on school.

Note to Self #4: Your D&C class this semester is going to be life changing.

Note to Self #5: Don't forget to write a blog just because you are living it up in yellowstone/grand teton mountains/chilling with BF and BBF.

Note to Self #6: Always, and I mean ALWAYS, have a back pack and school supplies and a daily planner ready before the first day of school. Do not wait.

Note to Self #7: Do not, under any circumstances, procrastinate buying books until the first day of school. This gets you behind on reading and sad at life.

Note to Self #8: Don't forget about the cool things that you learned today.

Note to Self #9: If you wanted your college experience to be easy, you should have gone to BSU or UVU.

Note to Self #10: Life is totally worth it. These experiences are totally worth it. You have amazing and supportive friends who love you for who you are, a boyfriend who cares about you and wants the best for you, and a family that is freaking bomb.

That is all. :)

Edge of Glory

Lady Gaga, thank you for your best song ever.

Anyways.

Yesterday Lucas and I went sky diving... it still seems a bit unreal to me. We watched a video, signed our lives away, and before I knew it I was putting on the gear that hung loose on by body (the man said that it was as tight as it would go) and practicing how to jump from a fake plane. Soon, Lucas and I were running towards the plane and my tandem instructor asked me if I wanted to go first. I, of course, said yes, both because I wanted to feel like a dare devil and also because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle the anticipation of waiting to jump.

1000 feet... 2000 feet... 7000 feet (which is where you eject your parachute) 11000 feet, 12000 feet.... Three men who were jumping solo were the only people who went before me. I watched as an 70 year old man literally ran and jumped out of the plane, and I saw his body free fall for about an eighth of a second... the next two men jumped together out of the plane, and then it was my turn.

My instructor and I inched our way out to the front of the plane, where I grabbed onto my shoulder straps and put three inches of my feet over the plane's edge. This part was probably the greatest moment of the entire trip, as I sat on the edge of what felt like glory and prepared my body for the jump. My instructor yelled in my ear "READY?" (we rocked forward) "SET?" (we rocked backwards) "GO!!" and we were in the air.

Nothing can compare to the feeling of absolute floating as you watch the mountains that started out so small grow before your eyes. It doesn't feel like you are falling towards the ground, more that the ground is rushing up to meet you. I struggled with putting air into my lungs, even though all the air I could even want was rushing into my mouth. My arms were thrown out, my legs curled up behind me and my shoulder was resting on my instructors head.

After what felt like 7 seconds (but later I found out was close to a minute) we ejected our parachute. My instructor told me that I had the best form of the day, and we starting to fall slowly towards the ground. It was just so entirely peaceful as we drifted towards our landing. As my instructor tried to talk to me, I realized that my ears were completely muffled, and that they still hadn't popped. (It would later take about 7 hours for them to completely clear up.)

Our landing was a success! We didn't even have to slide on our butts, but we just landed and stood up on our feet. With a few clicks, I was free from my instructor. And that, my dear readers, is when the nausea hit and I felt like I was going to throw up. I saw Lucas, so I started stumbling towards him, and I realized that a woman was shouting at me to get out of the way because I was standing where another parachute was about to land. (I couldn't hear her, you see, so I judged by her waving arms and panicked face that I was in danger.) I stepped out of the way and sat down on the ground, breathing deep and praying that I wouldn't throw up in front of everyone standing around me.

I did throw up later, both outside the sky-diving place and then in front of a medical center. I dozed in the shade and ate jerky, and soon my energy and stomach were restored! (The instructor told me that a lot of people got sick after landing because heat combined with adrenaline is a sure way to get the sickies.)

It was an entirely amazing experience, and I would recommend it to anybody.

ALSO! :)

I competed again this year for the vocal competition put on by Jenny Phillips and Tyler Castleton... and I won. :) I get to be the vocalist on Jenny Phillips CD next year, I get $250 dollars, and I might get to record a couple of other songs. I am still so stoked that I won. Jenny told me that it was the easiest decision that they had ever made. I record next month exactly.

http://www.tylercastleton.com/workshop-winners/ (The website that proclaims me the winner!)

I am one happy camper right now, let me assure you. :)

Recorded a Song

So on Thursday Lucas was complaining heavily of an aching tooth. (A wisdom tooth, to be exact.) He told me that he was going to the dentist around the same time that I was going to be donating plasma. Well, as soon as I left the plasma center and he picked me up, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I have a BIG favor to ask of you..."

Sure enough, two hours later the oral surgeon was calling me back into his office to meet my now doped up boyfriend. He looked me in the eyes and said in a panicked voice "When are they going to do it? I am so scared...." It took about 5 minutes for me to assure him that it had already happened, and we would soon be on our way home.

The doctor (who's name is Dr. Baton) came in and asked Lucas "Well, buddy, do you think you can walk?" to which Lucas promptly tried to jump off of the surgeons chair, and proceeded to almost fall onto the doctor. The doctor's nervous expression sent me running to Lucas's car so I could meet the doctor around the side of the building.

The next memory will forever be ingrained in my memory.

Out walks Lucas with a dopey grin on his face. No, walking is a big of an over-statement. The nurse and the doctor are dragging him to my car, while Lucas makes feet pumping motions. The doctor struggles for about two minutes trying to insert Lucas into the car, all the while Lucas is thanking the doctor profoundly for what he did. Finally, with Lucas buckled in and us ready to go, Lucas gives the doctor a couple of dramatic finger points (left, ... right, .... left) and we are off.

Silence, about the only silence of the trip, fills the car for about two minutes as I struggle to find the highway. The adventures truly began when Lucas saw a picture of a dinosaur from our car window.

Lucas - "dinosaur."
Kara - ".... yup."
Lucas - "DINOSAUR!"

Kara - "yup!"

Lucas - "..... dinosaurs have big penises."
Kara - "... I would imagine so, yes."
Lucas - "They would need big vaginas."
Kara - silent laughter
Lucas - "SEEEMMMMIII!!! Oh look, a red truck! Sexy.... look at that white car, it's a sexy white car..... ...... look at that truck, it's sexy too.... you could have SEX in the back of that truck."
Kara - "Why yes, I imagine that you could."

(At this point, I try drastically to change the topic to a non-sexual one, but to no avail. Everything we talk about is "sexy" or "kinky" or "let's have sex." Then...)

Lucas - "..... can I touch you?"
Kara - extremely apprehensive. "... sure honey, you can touch my leg or hold my hand!"
Lucas - Proceeds to grab boob.
Kara - Swats off hand. "AH! Not there honey..."

Lucas - Proceeds to grab boob again.
Kara - Violently removes hand. "LUCAS. No. No."

Lucas - "But... but... I just want to touch you. Here, I will just touch your arm, ok?"

Kara - watches as Lucas grabs her upper arm for about 4 seconds, and then proceeds into a feelskie.

Kara - Removes hand once again. "You have lost all touching privileges."

Lucas - "Fine! I will just touch myself then." Pouts, and begins to rub all over his chest and stomach for about one minute.

Kara - Laughing uncontrollably while gripping the steering wheel.
Lucas - sighs. "...... it's just not the same."

We then talk about a range of things from pooping out diamonds, to him giving me the moon because he knows how much I "love cheese."

Towards the end of the drive, I told him that his teeth were extremely bloody. He suddenly looked as though he was about to cry, and said, "Oh great, everyone's going to think I have been eating babies." I had to assure him that if anybody thought anything, it would be that he was a sexy vampire that had just devoured a herd of deer.

Upon arriving at his apartment, I suddenly faced myself with the dilemma of how to get a grown man who is much larger than me and is completely stoned up 3 flights of stairs. I called all of my guy friends, but none of them could do it. Meanwhile, Lucas is trying to get out of the car, but forgets to lift up his feet or lower his head, so he just keeps nailing his head and feet into the side door.

So I finally decide that I will just have to walk him up to his apartment by myself. I slowly help him out of the car, and he shouts "ONWARD!" and stumbles forward about 5 steps, and then nearly falls. There was no talking sense into that man as I struggled to get him up the stairs. With each step he took, he recited:

"One fish"

"Two fish"

"Red fish"

"Blue Fish"

Hysterical laughter.

And repeat.

FINALLY I get him into his apartment and lay him down on the couch. I kneel down next to him and said softly, "Lucas?"

Lucas - nothing.

Kara - "... Lucas, honey, can you open your eyes?"

Lucas - slowly opens eyes and says "..... eyeballs."

Kara - "Yes, those are my eyeballs, and I need you to listen to what I have to say. I have to go and pick up your prescription, so I need to to lay on this couch and DO NOT GET UP. Do you understand?"

Lucas - stares blankly and says ".... tuck like a fish."

Kara - "... what??"

Lucas - more insistent now, "Tuck... like a fish!"

Kara - "What? Lucas, do you understand what I am saying? You can't walk, so I need to lay down while I get your prescriptions."

Lucas - "TUCK LIKE A FISH!!"

Kara - "I don't know what you are saying!"

Lucas - in utter defeat, points at the blanket at his feet "tuck... like... a ... fish..."

Kara - then realizes that he wants me to tuck him in with the blanket. (why like a fish? I will never know.)

The rest of the evening was eventful as I got "I AM IN PAIN!!!!" phone calls while picking up his prescription, to watching him try to eat soup when most of it ended up on the table, to me having to explain what happened over and over to him.

He looks more like human today and less like chipmunk. Which is good, because it is our 6-month anniversary (counting all of our time as an exclusive couple.) Hoorah for togetherness!

P.S. I know that my picture that I drew today was WELL BELOW normal standards. I rushed through it, I admit.

P.P.S I just recorded a demo song for Tyler Caslteton (who is basically at the head of the LDS music industry) and it turned out really well. If I knew how, I would post it on here for you to listen. But since I can't, I thought I would write the lyrics to my favorite verse.

"The darkness whispers,
You are lost, there's no way back.
But you don't have to keep traveling
The path that you are on
There's always a way
The chance to change is never gone."

Hoorah for change! Hoorah for being able to change! Hoorah for life!!

Summer time, Feeling fine.

The title of this blog is the title of a song I wrote actually. The lyrics aren't profound, but they encompass what this summer has been about.

On a sunny day I can see for miles

But all I see are the people's smiles

The sun has brought us out to town

So we can paint portraits with our shadows.

Summer time, Feeling fine

You are always on my mind

Let's go, go, let's go,

Run until the sun don't show.

All the children have come out to play

Laughing is the way they pray

Ice-cream trucks always play our tune

And parents always call you in too soon.

Summer time, Feeling fine

You are always on my mind

Let's go, go, let's go,

Run until the sun don't show.

Now we may not be children forever,

But we can still look for hidden treasure

And when the sun is shining strong,

We can all be forever young.

Summer time, Feeling fine

You are always on my mind

Let's go, go, let's go,

Run until the sun don't show.

Run until the sun don't show.

I love writing music... and the tune to this song is adorable. I actually like the tune a lot better than the words of this song. It's all like "da-da-DA-Da-da... dadadada..." ... ya.

ANYWAYS right now I have about 18 mosquito bites covering my legs... its quite sad. For a while I thought I was immune to those little buggers... until I woke up two mornings ago to realize that I had had an dramatic encounter with a mosquito lodging in my room of which I was completely unaware.

This week has consisted of mini-golfing, watching movies, basking in the sun, going down two of the most terrifying water slides EVER... and more sun. It's been great.

I hate mosquitos.

I love my beliefs.

Yesterday I went to Park City. Tomorrow I go sky diving.

It's been a good weekend.

Crazy Week

summer time.

Oh my goodness this week has been absolutely crazy!! I am also very proud that I am writing another blog, hoorah for productivity! :)

EVENTS

Ok, so this week was absolutely awesome in terms of events. I did so many blissful things, like go to Lucky Peaks on Friday (where I worked on tanning my startling white stomach, lol.) This has now become a weekly occurance since Lucas and I have purchased season passes.

Also, we went to the HARRY POTTER MIDNIGHT SHOWING!!! (I especially missed you Chels. I hope that you dressed up as Draco Malfoy like you promised.) We got there around 8 and we got a pizza while we waited in line. The time passed by pretty quickly despite the fact that I didn't sleep at all while waiting in line. That movie was absolutely beautiful by the way. I cried on more than one occasion (from being so touched or from sleep deprivation, I am still unsure) I loved it so much.

Even though I decided to dress up as Beletrix, Lucas wanted to try on my outfit. So I let him.

Such a beautiful man.

This is me in my costume and Lucas rightfully in his. :)

Another picture of us... my wig got itchy, so I took it off. Also, there were surprisingly few people who dressed up... so I felt a little self conscious. But let's just say I was the best-dressed Beletrix there was. :)

Oh my goodness, also, this last week there was a day (I can't remember what day since all of my days blur together) where it was National Cow Day! Do you know what that means?? DO YOU?? It means if you dress up as a cow and go to Chick-Fil-A you get a whollllee meal for FREE. Chic-fil-A even has cow cutouts for you to print out and glue onto your body. And that is exactly what we did.

hahaha ya.

Enough events.

ROMANCE

Lucas and I are doing great. I think right now he is under the impression that I am mad at him because I wouldn't let him drive me home. But alas, I am not.

This week Lucas's little brother is in town, which basically means that our alone time will be severely minimized. But I don't really mind that much, to tell you the truth. I can be with him alone, with him in a room full of people, or with him with his brother and still be happy.

Oh ya, we went hiking to Stuart falls too!! Here is a nice little pic from that adventure. :)

WORK

Favorite moment of work this week would either be eating entirely too much icecream, or the following instance.

So one of my bosses Chris was on Grooveshark looking up random songs, and my other boss Tim walked in. There just happened to be a picture of "Fire and Ice Condoms" on my bosses grooveshark.

Tim ".... what are you looking at, Chris."

Chris defensively - "ITS JUST AN ADVERTISEMENT!!"

Tim - "..... uh huh."

Chris, still defensive - "I don't know why they have to advertise these condoms here... probably because they are the most expensive kind."

Tim, casually - "... They aren't the most expensive kind."

Everyone - Silence.

Kara - Puts her head on the desk and tries to hide laughter.

Basically it made my week. :)

SCHOOL

I don't have to pay tuition! Hip hip hoorrraaay!!! :) This makes me a very happy girl.

Also, I should probably study more psychology even when I'm not in school. Because I realized today when my Bishop said some psychology reference that I should have gotten (but I didn't) that all of my knowledge drains out of my head during the summer.

... I probably won't do it though.

MISC

I really do love this summer so much, Chelsea. It is probably one of my favorite summers yet. And this last week was probably one of the bests weeks of the summer as well. I love living life to the fullest (even though it does mean that I forget to clean my room every once and a while.)

Ok, ok, maybe last summer at Aspen Grove was my favorite summer ever. I just can't decide.

HOORAH FOR SUMMER TIME!

Weekly Checkup

Ok, so I know that I missed the second Sunday of my promised blog posts, but I have a valid reason, I swear! I was in Idaho, where none of my family members have internet. But I'll go into that more later. Also, it is taking everything that I have right now to write this blog. I just want to read a book and eat my apple and go to bed.x

SCHOOL

Not taking any classes now, thank goodness. I am just able to kick back and enjoy this freedom and zero-stress life until August 29th hits. Strangely, I am actually looking forward to starting school back up again. To get back into the hustle bustle of things, and to have every minute of my day planned out so that I am as productive as possible. I love feeling like I don't have enough time in my day to do anything (I hate it, of course, but I love it because it makes me feel like I am living my life to the fullest.)

WORK

I love the people that I work with. I do spend 40 hours a week there, so I guess I should have loads of stories... the secretary just got married (who I thought hated me for a very long time but I think she might actually like me now.... maybe its because she is married. Meh.) Also, I have been saying "meeh" a lot lately. Anytime I am annoyed or put out or am asked to do anything I don't want to do at work, I am just like "Meh." I think it is annoying everyone around me as much as it is annoying myself.

Also, I think I am getting fatter from working there. I seriously eat ALL OF THE TIME. Burgers, pastries, fries, salads (on good days)... when will it stop? WHEN WILL IT STOP??? I'm being dramatic, I know, but I want to lose about 5-10 pounds.

*I need to eat my apple more quickly. Blogging and apple munching only results in brown apple, which results in my sadness.

ROMANCE

I don't really know why I put this section in my blog. Probably because I spend most of my time with Lucas, and I want to tell you about the things we are doing. I promise not to get gushy and lovey-dovey, because I don't feel the need to post intimate details about my relationship on a blog. I don't need to validate my relationship in that way. I guess I feel my relationship is secure enough that I don't need to shout out the way I feel about my partner to everyone in hopes that some might believe it.

Anyways, Lucas and I have had a lot of fun this last week. I took Lucas down to Idaho to meet all of my friends and family, and it seriously was such a blast. We ventured out to Homedale a time or two, and it wasn't as horrible as I was expecting. And I spent the fourth of July with about every single person that I cared about, which was absolutely amazing. I saw a lot of my extended family, all but one of my brothers in my immediate family, and my three best friends in Idaho. It was seriously so lovely.

The best part about it was that Kade and Afton (my niece and nephew) absolutely adored Lucas. Lucas gave Afton a couple of roses, and she just fell in love with him. He also gave Kade a dollar, which Kade informed us is going in his piggy bank so he can buy an Idaho atlas.

Me, Lucas, Kade, Afton, and my sister Ashley all went out to Lucky Peak (a little lake with a water fountain in the middle of it.) It was so much fun. Here are some of my favorite pics of the event. :)

This is me and miss Afyton looking at the rocks, trying to find a "pwetty wock to thwo." She is such a pretty little girl. :)

Lucas took Kade to the center of the freezing cold lake so that Kade could attempt to swim. Kade's face in this picture is priceless.

And my computer is being dumb, so I can't put any others on there. But that day was epic.

And Lucas is awesome.

RELIGION

Religion? What?? Haha I guess because it is a part of my life, I thought I could have a little section on it. Recently I have felt really discriminated against because of my religion.

A good friend of mine recently said that the LDS religion is nothing more than "Regurgitating psycho-babble." For some reason, this really upset me. I guess the main reason I am hurt is because this is coming from a friend who currently suffers discrimination against her sexual orientation, and yet she is discriminating me in this blog against my religion and my beliefs. Its upsetting and hurtful and a little bit hypocritical. I'm not angry, because I believe that everyone is entitled to their own beliefs. But I just don't feel the need to talk about something that some people dedicate their whole lives to and believe so whole heartedly in such a negative and disrespectful way. Just because someone's beliefs comepletely contradict your own doesn't give you the reason to belittle it or so casually disregard it.

MISC

I am very excited to dress up for the midnight showing of Harry Potter.

I am going sky-diving this summer.

I miss Kate.

And I miss you, Chels. :) Have fun in New York, Presh.

For Chelsea

Guys, one of my best friends Chelsea has just moved to New York City... well, because she is awesome. Before we left, she told me that she was going to stalk my blog in order to keep up with my life. I kind of feel an obligation to continue on with my blog now so that Chels can be well informed of my going-ons. :) So every Sunday I am going to write my Sunday Update blog in which I can tell her about the exciting things in my life. (She told me not to put anything boring on here either.)

EXCITING EVENTS

So here I am going to put anything that I thought was entirely exciting that I did. This week was very busy for me. I have been going to Seven Peaks religiously, because I finally sucumbed and bought a season pass. I would very much love to get so brown that I look like a different race.

I went rope jumping at this beautiful little lake in a town that I cannot remember. There was a ten foot jump, a 30 foot jump and a 50 foot jump. I could barely go off the ten foot jump. As I was climbing up the tree my heart was already beating so hard. The whole time I was waiting on the platform I was formulating excuses as to why I couldn't go... ("oh sorry guys, I have no upper body strength..." "Sorry, I thought you knew I was allergic to water" etc) But I ended up going off of it and I LOVED it. So ya.

Last night Lucas and I slept under the stars deep into the Canyon... well, more of he slept while I was kept awake by his snoring/twitching/my deep fear of being eaten alive by a cougar.

ROMANCE

Lucas and I are still together. We pretty much spend all of our time together, which is pretty cool. Every Sunday he and I make some dinner together in hopes that maybe it will spark a desire within me that I will suddenly want to become a home-maker, lol. Some of our dinners have been LEGIT though. Tonight we are making a pasta dish, yum!

Lucas and I have this thing where we want to make every day of this summer memorable, so we try to do something crazy and take a picture of it. :)

Lucas is great, Chelsea (and my other dear readers.) But I have never been that big of a fan of gushing about boys on my blog. However, I will tell you one little thing... lol. I was being "sassy and distant" from him one day before we were donating plasma (have I told you that I donated my plasma? Oh ya, I do that now. I'm a prostitute, I know. Moving on.) and I told him to take me home. I took a nap and called him a little later, and said I was coming over. He asked me to wait ten minutes.

So I wait the ten minutes patiently and then decide that I am going to start walking towards his place. So I start walking down the middle of the road jamming out to my ipod when a car unexpectedly pulls up behind me. I scream a little, and turn around... and out jumps Lucas with a bouquet of flowers. :) Even though I was the sassy one, he got me the flowers. That boy.

WORK

I love my work. I work about 40 hours a week in my school's food court. I work in the office with some awesome people. First we have Ashley, who is super legit and funny and like... the most social person I have ever met. Then we have Jillian and David, who are cool. We have Meredith, who recently got married and stuff, so I swear she is like beaming all of the time. I have my bosses Christopher, Timmerton, Bradyton, Marie, and now Jeremy. I love my bosses!

I don't know why I am putting a work section in here... I guess cool things happen at work? haha NOT.

MISC.

I don't really know Chels, *and other dear readers*... my life has changed so much. I am going to Idaho with Lucas this next weekend to see family and friends, and I am really nervous. Why couldn't I have showed Lucas my family when it was still together, or introduced him to my best friends before they were suddenly dating? I feel like all I have are fragments of life that I lived before to show to him, and it makes me kind of ashamed. I find myself always disclaiming situations, saying "Oh, it wasn't always like this... it used to be so much better. Trust me, it was so good before this point."

I understand that lives change, that my world before I left for college isn't going to indefinitely remain the same as I grow and change away from home. But people change and make decisions... mainly based upon their own temporal happiness, and I can understand why they would want to do that. And I am glad that they are happy. I am glad that my two friends are happy dating one another, and that my dad is happy with another woman. But I don't really want it that way. If I could have my own way and my own universe, my parents would have communicated better and hopefully would have been able to avoid their separation. I would make it so my two friends would suddenly be married to two gorgeous men who treated them each like they were the most wonderful people in the entire world.

I don't have my own universe, and so I sit with these fragments and make the best of them. I will always love my dad, and I will never leave his life. I will always be friends with my two best friends, because I value their friendship that much. I am not one to just leave somebody because of the choices that they are making. I am always going to love my family and my friends.

ANYWAYS, there is my blog. :) Expect one every week my dear(s).

What do I want?

What do I want?? Well, that is the question, isn't it? My goals and plans have changed drastically over the last 10 years... for example.

When I was 10, I wanted

1. To get married
2. To live in Idaho right next to my mom and dad
3. To raise and sell thousands of lab puppies as my source of income
4. To have lots of friends
5. To maybe be famous... for my record amount of puppies or for my singing, I don't know.

When I was 15, I wanted

1. Tyler Gibson to like me
2. To have more friends
3. To have a nice body
4. To get good grades
5. To become a nurse

When I entered into college, I wanted

1. A boyfriend/spouse
2. Friends
3. To get good grades
4. Still wanted to be a nurse
5. To still live in Idaho when I was done with school

NOW the things I want are...

1. To have someone who loves me for me.
2. To be a better person.
3. To graduate in psychology to become a therapist
4. To have fun while keeping up the grades
5. To love my family no matter what

Looking at these lists, it's clear to see that I have grown up a little in my life. My life career plan is constantly changing, but for some reason psychology has stuck and so... I'm putting my all into it. Relationships have come and gone... I've tampered with many a douche bag and have had my heart broken. I've realized what I want and what I don't want. I understand how utterly important my family is to me as I watch outside forces try to shatter it. I finally get that this life is for living, and I shouldn't take for granted a single day of it.

I love my life. I really and honestly love every day. I might live in an apartment that currently smells like rotten fruit, or have hives all over my legs, or have such chapped lips that every time I smile they start to bleed. But I honestly wouldn't change a single part of my life.

Thanks for everyone who influences me in some way. You are everything to me, and I love you so much. Keep being awesome, people. :)

So here I am, sitting in the library on a Friday night. My life has officially gone downhill. I used to feel so apart of things, always going out, having so much fun.... now my life basically revolves around school and work.

My love life is non-existent.

Also, I discovered a fifth cousin of mine. His name is Cody, and we have the same Great-Great-Great-great... great grandpa. Great.

This is what he looks like.















Whichever you prefer. Anyways, he is pretty legit, besides the fact that I failed to draw him with ears. But ya he is pretty legit, being my 5th cousin and all.

Anyways, that's my life right now. I feel like I have lost contact with my Idaho friends, that I am failing to make new friends, and somewhat neglecting the friends that I have here in Utah.

I love you all. Thanks for reading my blog.

Go go go Martin!

Wow, I must say that this last week or so has probably one of the most memorable of my life. So many good, scary, and bad things have happened. Hmm... what would be the easiest way of going about this? I think I will just have to list them.

1. Bloody noses -- ya, if you aren't a big fan of TMI posts, I would probably just decide to quit reading here. But let me tell you.... I have had the worst bloody noses of my life in the past week. It was g-ross. I was just pleasantly washing my face on a Thursday evening, planning on putting a mud mask on my face, when all of the sudden my nose decided to freaking burst... blood got everywhere. It was on the walls and on the ground and in my hair... and it lasted for about an hour and a half. And then I proceeded to get another one on Friday night. Thankfully Lucas brought me some Vitamin C (because apparently if you don't have enough of it, you can get bloody noses) and I haven't had a bloody nose since. Woo.

2. My boyfriend and I decided to take a break in our relationship, so this last week has consisted of my trying to straighten out my thoughts and what I want and what I don't want... my mind is a complete mess, dear readers (which I am sure you are aware of by the absolute lack of structure in my blogs, but oh well) and so now I'm just... floating? I don't know how to describe it. But though crazy things have happened this week, I almost feel detached from it all. I haven't been here at all this week, but I slowly feel myself drifting back into me... wow, that sounds absolutely ridiculous, but I am too lazy to edit this post, so just deal with it.

3. A family friend died, and I had to drive down to Idaho and sing, and then drive back the next day. Thankfully, I had my bff come with me, my dearest Kate, which made the whole trip much more bearable. Except for the fact that I come back to Provo only to realize that I left my wallet in my mom's car. That was a joyous occasion. haha

4. Went to a dessert party last night, because forever ago I gave my number to a guy in a shady mexican restaurant, and he invited me to it. I literally knew no one going in, but ran into a bunch of people that I knew. Also, the guys there were pretty cool... though I did get pressured into kissing a guy on the cheek, but hey, it was his birthday.

Ok, so this last week really hasn't been that crazy after all, but it has to me. I thought that I owed myself a blog, since I haven't written in, practically, forever. So there it is.

I'm not super happy, but at least I'm not super sad either. Like I said, I'm floating about, doing the things that I need to do, waiting for the moment when I snap out of this stupor and return back to my happy bubbly self. It should be soon, don't you worry.

This semester is going to be really difficult, I can already feel it. But I want to get straight A's!!!! Woo. It's going to happen, just you wait and see.

I love you all so much. Thanks for everything that you have done in my life.

Remember who you are.

ps. This very well may be my worst-written blog post, but work with it, K? I'll try to provide something with substance in a week or so. Because I love you...

That is all. :)