Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Recorded a Song

So on Thursday Lucas was complaining heavily of an aching tooth. (A wisdom tooth, to be exact.) He told me that he was going to the dentist around the same time that I was going to be donating plasma. Well, as soon as I left the plasma center and he picked me up, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I have a BIG favor to ask of you..."

Sure enough, two hours later the oral surgeon was calling me back into his office to meet my now doped up boyfriend. He looked me in the eyes and said in a panicked voice "When are they going to do it? I am so scared...." It took about 5 minutes for me to assure him that it had already happened, and we would soon be on our way home.

The doctor (who's name is Dr. Baton) came in and asked Lucas "Well, buddy, do you think you can walk?" to which Lucas promptly tried to jump off of the surgeons chair, and proceeded to almost fall onto the doctor. The doctor's nervous expression sent me running to Lucas's car so I could meet the doctor around the side of the building.

The next memory will forever be ingrained in my memory.

Out walks Lucas with a dopey grin on his face. No, walking is a big of an over-statement. The nurse and the doctor are dragging him to my car, while Lucas makes feet pumping motions. The doctor struggles for about two minutes trying to insert Lucas into the car, all the while Lucas is thanking the doctor profoundly for what he did. Finally, with Lucas buckled in and us ready to go, Lucas gives the doctor a couple of dramatic finger points (left, ... right, .... left) and we are off.

Silence, about the only silence of the trip, fills the car for about two minutes as I struggle to find the highway. The adventures truly began when Lucas saw a picture of a dinosaur from our car window.

Lucas - "dinosaur."
Kara - ".... yup."
Lucas - "DINOSAUR!"
Kara - "yup!"
Lucas - "..... dinosaurs have big penises."
Kara - "... I would imagine so, yes."
Lucas - "They would need big vaginas."
Kara - silent laughter
Lucas - "SEEEMMMMIII!!! Oh look, a red truck! Sexy.... look at that white car, it's a sexy white car..... ...... look at that truck, it's sexy too.... you could have SEX in the back of that truck."
Kara - "Why yes, I imagine that you could."

(At this point, I try drastically to change the topic to a non-sexual one, but to no avail. Everything we talk about is "sexy" or "kinky" or "let's have sex." Then...)

Lucas - "..... can I touch you?"
Kara - extremely apprehensive. "... sure honey, you can touch my leg or hold my hand!"
Lucas - Proceeds to grab boob.
Kara - Swats off hand. "AH! Not there honey..."
Lucas - Proceeds to grab boob again.
Kara - Violently removes hand. "LUCAS. No. No."
Lucas - "But... but... I just want to touch you. Here, I will just touch your arm, ok?"
Kara - watches as Lucas grabs her upper arm for about 4 seconds, and then proceeds into a feelskie.
Kara - Removes hand once again. "You have lost all touching privileges."
Lucas - "Fine! I will just touch myself then." Pouts, and begins to rub all over his chest and stomach for about one minute.
Kara - Laughing uncontrollably while gripping the steering wheel.
Lucas - sighs. "...... it's just not the same."

We then talk about a range of things from pooping out diamonds, to him giving me the moon because he knows how much I "love cheese."

Towards the end of the drive, I told him that his teeth were extremely bloody. He suddenly looked as though he was about to cry, and said, "Oh great, everyone's going to think I have been eating babies." I had to assure him that if anybody thought anything, it would be that he was a sexy vampire that had just devoured a herd of deer.

Upon arriving at his apartment, I suddenly faced myself with the dilemma of how to get a grown man who is much larger than me and is completely stoned up 3 flights of stairs. I called all of my guy friends, but none of them could do it. Meanwhile, Lucas is trying to get out of the car, but forgets to lift up his feet or lower his head, so he just keeps nailing his head and feet into the side door.

So I finally decide that I will just have to walk him up to his apartment by myself. I slowly help him out of the car, and he shouts "ONWARD!" and stumbles forward about 5 steps, and then nearly falls. There was no talking sense into that man as I struggled to get him up the stairs. With each step he took, he recited:

"One fish"
"Two fish"
"Red fish"
"Blue Fish"
Hysterical laughter.

And repeat.

FINALLY I get him into his apartment and lay him down on the couch. I kneel down next to him and said softly, "Lucas?"

Lucas - nothing.
Kara - "... Lucas, honey, can you open your eyes?"
Lucas - slowly opens eyes and says "..... eyeballs."
Kara - "Yes, those are my eyeballs, and I need you to listen to what I have to say. I have to go and pick up your prescription, so I need to to lay on this couch and DO NOT GET UP. Do you understand?"
Lucas - stares blankly and says ".... tuck like a fish."
Kara - "... what??"
Lucas - more insistent now, "Tuck... like a fish!"
Kara - "What? Lucas, do you understand what I am saying? You can't walk, so I need to lay down while I get your prescriptions."
Lucas - "TUCK LIKE A FISH!!"
Kara - "I don't know what you are saying!"
Lucas - in utter defeat, points at the blanket at his feet "tuck... like... a ... fish..."
Kara - then realizes that he wants me to tuck him in with the blanket. (why like a fish? I will never know.)

The rest of the evening was eventful as I got "I AM IN PAIN!!!!" phone calls while picking up his prescription, to watching him try to eat soup when most of it ended up on the table, to me having to explain what happened over and over to him.

He looks more like human today and less like chipmunk. Which is good, because it is our 6-month anniversary (counting all of our time as an exclusive couple.) Hoorah for togetherness!

P.S. I know that my picture that I drew today was WELL BELOW normal standards. I rushed through it, I admit.

P.P.S I just recorded a demo song for Tyler Caslteton (who is basically at the head of the LDS music industry) and it turned out really well. If I knew how, I would post it on here for you to listen. But since I can't, I thought I would write the lyrics to my favorite verse.

"The darkness whispers,
You are lost, there's no way back.
But you don't have to keep traveling
The path that you are on
There's always a way
The chance to change is never gone."

Hoorah for change! Hoorah for being able to change! Hoorah for life!!

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