pretend that I'm famous...

You know how really famous people are always featured in magazines, and the headline of the magazine is "25 Things about Brad Pitt that you NEVER KNEW!" Well... what if I want to feel famous too? What if I want people to know things about me in such an intimate way??? So guess what, world, you can SUCK IT, because even though I'm not famous, I'm totally going to tell you 5 things that you didn't know about me. Because honestly, I don't think that I could think of 25 things, and I'm kind of lazy, so I knew 5 would be just right.... So you better read it. And freaking enjoy it.

1. I am completely and utterly terrified of bugs. My dad is always saying, "honey, did you know that only a handful of spiders in the world that are actually poisonous?" but what I want to know is who was the person who volunteered to see if they could all fit in his palm?

In fact, today, as I plopped down on my couch, a little spider jumped out from a fold of the couch DIRECTLY by my head... I almost peed my pants and jumped up to look at it from a safer distance.

This is what I saw.

My cabin is full of spiders... so every night I have to check my bed for bugs like a crazy person... I even have a routine! I take my comforter off of my bed and search it in the light for bugs... (normally there are none on my comforter). Then I check my sheets for bugs so that I can safely sit on my bed while resuming my search. Once that is all clear, I pick up all my pillows and search in, under, and around them. I almost ALWAYS find a spider or beetle under my pillows... it disturbs me, but only if I know that all the bugs are dead can I sleep.

(That is me on my bunk-bed... I don't know how to draw bunk-beds, y'all... so sad.... )

OH MY FREAKING FISH I JUST FELT SOMETHING ON MY FOOT AND I THOUGHT IT WAS A TICKLE AND THEN SUDDENLY I LOOKED DOWN AND IT WAS A FLYING ANT... bugs know when you are talking about them, I'm not kidding.... I'm so scared right now that I am going to move on to another subject so I don't anger the bugs any further...)

2. Onto a new subject that has nothing to do with bugs.... ya, you heard right bugs, I'm not talking about you anymore... which means you have no reason to walk all over me. Anyways...

I can move my pinky toe independently... like, without moving any of my other toes with it. And when I dance or stretch or do anything, it just moves on its own... I can't control it. And sometimes is just twitches...

3. I think... I think that there is a small possibility that I am a sadist... I know that sounds creepy and scary and makes you all want to unfollow me, but DON'T DO IT! I just love pushing people's bruises and when people are in pain I laugh hysterically....

EDIT:I don't find it funny when people break their legs or are having babies or are being tortured... I'm talking minor pain -- like, when someone gets a foot cramp or when someone is stretching and it hurts. THAT'S what I laugh like a maniac... seriously... it's so funny to me! ... I'm not a creeper, guys...

4. I have recently had a dream with both Brad Pitt (when he was young and unbearded..) and Heath Ledger in it... (Heath was alive and well in my dream and not a rotting corpse, just in case you were wondering...) I was in a house with them and we were just running around checking out all of the rooms together... at one part it got scary but I don't really remember why it was scary, I just remember being sandwiched between Heath and Brad as we hid behind a bookshelf... it was amazing...

Bradypoo.... (I would have tried drawing him, but we all know that my drawings would not have done him justice... just look at those eyes... and that armpit hair...)

Heathypoo.... (so sad he's dead.... moment of silence for my heathypoo....)

Taylorpoo

(ok, so Taylor wasn't in my dream, but I love him so much, I just knew that he had to be included in this blog somewhere... oh ya, thats another random fact about me... I have a cardboard cut out of Taylor Lautner. Got him for my birthday.)

(Yes, I am aware of how amazing of a couple we are... we are so lovely together... you can tell how much he is enjoying my kiss... look at that chin dimple!)

5. Anyways, I can't think of anything else to say about me... Lets see... oh I know!! I cannot pee if someone else is in the bathroom with me... that is, unless I am REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY close to that person... otherwise, I get complete stage fright... I just sit there awkwardly until they finally leave or I just give up. Sometimes, it helps when people put the faucet on, but most of the time... it doesn't.

Also, I hate those little cracks that are always there in the bathroom stalls... sometimes they are like three inches wide. I know that someone who is casually walking by doesn't even have to look in order to see me in the stall with a panicked expression on my face... sigh...

Can I draw a picture of this while keeping it appropriate?? I think that I can... and I shall....

THE END.